Here Be Dragons

The title of this post refers, of course, to the areas on ancient maps that were unexplored, unknown, unremarked upon territory. The places where the mapmaker would stitch a serpent or dragon into the smooth surface of the sea.

It also refers to your Halloween costume. Since there may be more than one Halloween costume, since it might be too balmy on Halloween to dress you in the costume, since we are often looking for ways to amuse ourselves--we stuffed you into the costume a few days ago and made you run around the house while we laughed. The video should give you a clear sense of what that looked like. (OK, the video won't upload--here's a picture instead. Check back for the video later.)

The What You Do Now update consists of the following:
1. "Wow," you say, all the time "wow, wow, wow."
2. The fake cry. Ah yes, the wrinkling of the nose, the squinting of the eyes, the screechey whine. We're so thrilled.
3. Pure and shiny love of your father. He's a rock star and you're the groupie. I walked in the door after work today and you smiled at me. Then smiled again, more coyly, and hugged Dada's knee. "He's mine," your smile said.
4. The whine and point. This gesture is repeated, sometimes blindly, until Mama picks you up or gives you something that at least vaguely interests you.
5. Given a phone or cell phone, you immediately hold it to your ear. "Hi," you say, "hi?"
6. Eating fiend. Yesterday for dinner: banana, half an avocado, a mashed potato, an adult serving of broccoli, and a bunch of pot roast for good measure.
7. All things truck or vehicle related. Your love of "The Happy Man and His Dump Truck" has almost been surpassed by your love of "The Little Red Caboose."
8. You can run.
9. Two naps today but sometimes only one. Often only one 45 minute nap per day. But by 6:30 or 7:00pm you are done, totally finished, fried, wiped out, a manic mess.
10. You hair is growing thicker and darker at the base of your neck. The fine blond hairs on the top of your head cover your forehead and almost touch your eyes. Their are wing-like tufts of hair over your ears.

A few nights ago, watching you climb the stairs, I got that clutch in my throat. It never happens when its supposed to--i.e. birthdays, holidays, and other theoretically moving moments. Nostalgia and ethical epiphanies are reserved for the mundane times when you're least prepared to care. ANYWAY--you were climbing the stairs and I was thinking about the you we knew a year ago. This blob, this beast, this darling fragile thing. I was thinking about how I couldn't then possibly imagine this creature that you are now, nor can I imagine the creature you will be a year (two, three, ten) from today. And it's supposed to be a normal thing. It's growing up. It's what happens to the living things you push out of your vagina. Duh.

But what if someone else I loved (your father--or my mother my father or Anjuli or Martha or John or Dorothy or Peter or Rach or, or, or), what if one of these people changed that dramatically over the course of a single year? Seriously. What if you father picked up French, reinterpreted his understanding of himself, reestablished how he would relate to each person in his life, taught himself to surf, and unearthed an entirely new philosophy on permanence and impermanence in the course of a single year??? Would I still love him? Yes, of course. Would I be exhausted by trying to keep up with each new development, by attempting to understand his new vision of himself, by coping with the frustrations and disappointments that so much new knowledge inevitably brings? Hell yes.

So yes, it's a big deal this whole growing up thing. Staying in tune with anyone going through this amount of change would be difficult--staying in tune with someone who can't talk is really fucking difficult.

Thanks goodness for humor and grace. Thank goodness that this week you decided to poop in the bathtub on Daddy's watch instead of mine. Thank goodness for grandparents who will pitch in so Daddy and Mommy can go away together for a night. Thank goodness that watching you take shape is also awe-inspiring and beautiful and nothing short of miraculous.

You are a map and here be dragons. Here and here and here. I am so glad. No one likes a map with all the countries drawn just right. Where is there to go?